And now what? Just being me…

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I don’t know if there’s anybody out there that is ever going to read my words and I’m a bit scared of beginning this journey…. I’ve wanted to do this for a while and just postponed it over and over again …

After my youngest child of five left for college, I understood well the empty nester’s feelings!  Thirty-six years of being a full time mother!  I couldn’t figure out what to do with myself!   All that time I used to dream of having was now leaving me with an empty hole in the stomach and heart!  Oh the mixed feelings!!!… I was so used to being a mom that I wondered…. COULD I JUST BE ME?

What does it even mean being me?!  Who am I?!   What is left of the person I used to be? I hope I am a better version of my younger self, but who knows?!  We usually are, we are supposed to be …. Who doesn’t remember her younger self?  I do!   That girl full of passion who dreamt of being a lawyer, an interior designer, an artist, is still here, somewhere…  Why would I feel her so much otherwise if she wasn’t here, inside of me, kicking and screaming: Let me out of here!    It has become harder and harder to recognize the person in the mirror…

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It feels like Spring!

My flowers, one of a kind

Where did time go?  Am I still on time to live my own life, experience my own dreams?!   –  I have loved being a mom, totally and completely and still do.  My best moments are when I visit my children or they visit me.  Now for example, I have three of them home for a week, two of them on their way back to school and one on her way back home, my daughter, and I have her, literally  on my butt, following me around, asking me to start this!

This is supposed to be a blog about Interior Design, art, travel, photography and all the lovely things that make life worth living…Actually, I don’t really know what is it going to be about, but I should share a little bit of who I am while trying to discover it myself…

One of my flower arrangements

One of the reasons I found it so difficult to start writing is that English is not my first language, and obviously I’m not a writer.    Does it matter?  They say not to sweat the small stuff! Isn’t the content more important than the vehicle?  I absolutely think it is.   Never liked perfect things, never will. I think they are boring, uncomfortable and unnatural. I like things that feel real and possible, unique in a way, unaffected and spontaneous !    What this first post is about is … Do I have something interesting enough to say? Don’t we all?   Thanks to the awesome Belgian designer Greet Lefèvre from Belgian Pearls, a wonderful blog about design and lifestyle, I decided to venture into this unknown territory…. (Greet is from Belgium and has never allowed the fact of English not being her first language stop her from writing and sharing all the beauty that surrounds her, inside her home and out!  Go visit her blog, http://www.belgianpearls.blogspot.com  if you haven’t done it yet, you’ll be happy you did!   Thank you Greet for being an inspiration.

Little vignette using my flower arrangements

While my youngest boys were finishing high school, I went back to school to study Interior Design, I had always loved decorating and everything related to design and art and frequently have helped family and friends with that.   It came so natural to me, but I needed the title to feel I could have my passion become my business.  Now it’s time to start…  How to start? Where to start? – While I was in school,  I received some  generous comments about my work, telling me I was an artist!  I didn’t know what to do with that, it was so good to hear, but so hard to believe…. I always wanted to paint but never did, I kept telling myself, I wasn’t an artist!  It seems like I was expecting to be given permission to dare to try …  What is art if not an honest expression of your soul? A higher and universal language of communication…  Life’s too short to waste just wondering “What if…”.   Thanks to the encouragement of people in my family, I finally started painting this summer while on a three month trip overseas!   …  Being in South America, looking at the Pacific Ocean every day, made me feel inspired, like I could accomplish many things,  I guess I’ll have to press forward and keep trying … So, what is it going to be?  Who am going to become?  Let’s find out, shall we? Well, not you, just me 😉

A little vignette with my flowers

Hopefully you’ll find me in this magic cyber world and decide to keep me company for a while, perhaps you are in the same situation or going through a big change or discovery of your own? … If you happen to stumble by, please say hi!   Let me see if I can figure it out how to upload some pictures here.   …. AND IT WORKED! (These are some flower arrangement I made)  –  Just learning how to work this WordPress thing!

Next time this will be about something more interesting. Today I just needed to vent…

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4 thoughts on “And now what? Just being me…

  1. @M.FUNK/PHOTOGRAPHY Hello Mr Funk, I have tried to find your blog to thank you for the like on mine but I couldn’t find it. Could I ask you why were you living inn Damascus? Is a rather unusual place to say the least! Just curious if you don’t mind me asking 😉
    Thank you!!!

    Like

  2. @Johnwreford Mr Wreford, thanks for the like… I made a mistake and thank the wrong person? are you also M.FUNK/PHOTOGRAPHY ? I COULDN’T FIND EITHER OF YOUR BLOGS…. IF YOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING… WHAT WERE YOU DOING LIVING IN DAMASCUS FOR TEN YEARS? JUST CURIOUS!
    THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY BLOG! XX

    Like

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